New Snow...

It seems the past few weeks have been filled with grief, so many deaths, too many. So, I found it refreshing that we received a nice dumping of fresh new winter snow. I love it when it snows and it is still early enough in the season so it is not TOTALLY COLD yet. You can enjoy the white pristine blanket that drapes across the now brown and bleak scenery. The grass is barely green underneath almost dormant for the season and the trees have lost all their last brown leaves. The dogs are loving the complete reversal of scenery to these icy white snow flakes.
It is super fluffy and they can run with exuberance in an attempt to ... what? I don't know quite why they are in such a hurry? To find where the snow came from? Picking up the track scents in the snow of other animals? They get super tired super fast in the first snow falls. They are not yet used to the cold and get so excited that my short walk through the park (they run at top speed) will render them exhausted and sleeping the rest of the day. Perfect for when I am without Jonathan and working 8 hour days everyday. They seem content to run their energy off and then sleep all day. I will be home just in time for them to get around to thinking about dinner. Perfect.
So, as Jonathan headed off early for fall training this morning, I found myself awake, suddenly. I couldn't get back to sleep. Perhaps this was partly due to the fact I was dreaming of watering a garden, but there were slugs in my way, but they were half pigs. Yes, pig slugs and, yes, I know they don't exist. As I tried to wash them away they just kept growing bigger and bigger. I have no idea what that dream means and I am not sure if I want to know at that. It was a bit scary.
But, alas I was awake and thinking way too much again. I have been on a mission to harness in my financial life and to take it seriously, so finances were on my mind. I suppose a welcome relief from the recent deaths that preoccupying my head. I have been reading Suze Orman's book, Women and Money. It has truly been a life changing read. I am now so ready to take on all the financial, banking and saving shite I have been putting off for years now. She gives you a practical plan to do so! I want to get rid of all my debt as soon as possible!
I suppose this is the right attitude to have, but I find myself at the same time frustrated and immobilized to make any real changes. It just seems that my income keeps shrinking (the company pays nothing and keeps cutting our hours), the house needs more and more things bought for it and job opportunities are not picking up in this usual "employee's market" of a town. It seemed just a year ago there were so many job opportunities to chose from. Now it is slaving away for peanuts an hour! It seems you need to be a brain surgeon or a OBGYN to find a decent paying job now. I need more income and I need it now. I am trying to brain storm for ideas for home based businesses, but I have no capital. I have never felt so skill-less and unemployable in my life. And, I can't help to think that my attempt to change this fact, by returning to school, had to be left in the dust, unfinished, AGAIN!, with little hope of returning to it anytime soon due to the costs of school today. I am at a loss as to what to do. On the one hand, I am so happy to be in a situation that is teaching me that the job I was in before was not making me happy, and neither really is the whole field. I would like to move away from selling things and towards helping people. (I wish we had a massage therapy school in town, because I might be ready for it.)
So, I keep my mind focused on the good things, the things that make me happy; my husband, my puppies, our funny little half done house. I guess the rest will work itself out eventually. I have to find patience in the reaching for goals right now. I have to remember that I have not been defeated, but only delayed. Delayed I can deal with. Deep breath and .... now wait. Perhaps the wait will bring me to a new career, I hope I hope I hope.
At least we will be skiing soon!!! That will be a happy distraction.